Competition Time

The “All priests Stars in their Eyes Lookalike Competition” is coming up. Ted shows his Elvis costume to Jack and Dougal and finds that they are wearing exactly the same outfit. Ted resigns himself to going dressed as Mother Theresa again.

Father Dick Byrne calls Ted and goads him, telling him that he has no chance of winning the competition. Because Henry Sellers, the judge of the competition, is staying on Craggy Island, Ted believes that they may be able to sway his vote if they are nice to him.

When Henry Sellers arrives, Ted offers to get him anything he wants. Ted and Mrs. Doyle persuade Henry to drink a glass of sherry before his bedtime. After one drink, Henry is unable to stop and gets raging drunk, destroying the living room. Father Dunne, a priest who is accompanying Henry Sellers, discloses that Henry is an alcoholic and was sacked by the BBC for that reason. Henry jumps out of the window and runs off.

The next day, Ted and Dougal, along with the Island’s policeman try to track Henry down. He is still in an alcoholic daze, but they manage to get him with a tranquiliser dart. Ted assures Henry that nothing untoward happened, as he blacked out and totally forgot all the preceding events. Jack comes back home, still drunk on Toilet Duck, but when Dougal suggests trying to sober him up, Ted announces that he has an idea.

At the competition that night, Ted’s arch-nemesis Dick Byrne, along with some other priests, are out in the lead with their act, Diana Ross and the Supremes. Craggy Island’s entry includes the three ages of Elvis Presley. Dougal plays the 1950s version, Ted plays the 1968 version on his comeback tour, and then Jack the Elvis of the later years when he let himself go. This wins the competition and forces Dick Byrne to pay his bet to Ted.

Back at the parochial house, Mrs Doyle brings out the Champagne. Henry takes one sip and jumps out of the window again. Ted says they will look for Henry in the morning.


Airdate: 12 May 1995


[Dougal getting confused]:
Father Dougal: Sorry Ted. I’m not very good at making decisions… or am I? 

[Father Dougal doesn’t know what the Vatican is]:
Father Dougal: I’ve never met a celebrity before. 
Father Ted: You met the Pope.
Father Dougal: Did I?
Father Ted: Yes, do you not remember that time we were in Rome?
Father Dougal: That was the Pope? That old fella living in the art gallery?
Father Ted: The Vatican, Dougal! The Vatican!
Father Dougal: Still, he’s not a celebrity in the true sense of the word.
Father Ted: He’s God’s representative on Earth, Dougal!
Father Dougal: You’d think he’d be taller.
Father Ted: You mean like a giant?


Extra Stuff


  • First appearance of Dick Byrne and Cyril MacDuff.
  • Ted and Dougal once came third in the Ludo championships.
  • The parochial house at Rugged Island is a mirror-image of the one at Craggy Island. They have their own version of Father Jack and Mrs Doyle. Father Dick Byrne is their version of Father Ted and Father Cyril MacDuff is their version of Father Dougal.
  • Ted reads Halo! magazine.
  • Features Father Barty Dunne a very annoying priest who chuckles uncontrollably through every sentence.



In the original version of the script, Mrs Doyle’s first name is mentioned.


Guest Cast

Henry Sellers — Niall Buggy
Father Dick Byrne — Maurice O’Donoghue
Father Cyril MacDuff — Don Wycherley
Father Jim Johnson — Chris Curran