A Christmassy Ted

Ted and Dougal go Christmas shopping. They accidentally wander off into the lingerie department which just happens to be the largest in the whole of Ireland. Ted worries about the scandal they may create if two priests are caught in such a situation. As they try to find the exit, they meet up with six other priests who have fallen into exactly the same situation. Ted saves the day by using the loudspeaker system to alert women in the store that it is about to close.

Later, Ted learns that he is to receive a Golden Cleric Award as a reward for his heroic action in the potential Lingerie scandal. Ted decides to compose an extremely vindictive speech to get revenge on anyone who has fecked him off in the past. Later, an old school friend, Todd Unctious, pays a visit and Ted invites him to stay for Christmas.

Ted’s acceptance speech goes on so long that many people start to leave. At Ted’s party later, only Todd Unctious is eager to stay. Todd is later caught by Ted trying to steal his award. He is arrested and admits that he has become obsessed by awards. Ted says that he may be suffering from the same problem and, wanting to be a better priest, shares his award with Dougal. Dougal then briefly goes mad with power.


Airdate: 24 December 1996


[Ted becomes panicky when he realises that he and Dougal have accidentally entered the lingerie section of a department store]:
Father Ted: Oh God, Dougal. We’re in Lingerie!
Dougal: Where’s the problem there, Ted?

[Dougal tries to predict what’s behind the door of the Advent calendar]:
Father Dougal: God, I can’t wait to see what’s under tomorrow’s window. I bet it’s a donkey or something.
Father Ted: Really? So, you’ve changed from your initial prediction of… what was it again? “Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed.” God, Dougal, where do you get these ideas from? I bet it’s just a lovely angel. What would you say is behind tomorrow’s window, Father Jack?


Extra Stuff


  • Eighth and final appearance of Larry Duff who skis off a cliff when Ted rings him on his mobile. Later, he also gets caught in a snow avalanche while recuperating from his accident, when Jack bangs the door too hard in the parochial house.
  • The opening scene shows Ted in the plot of Ballykissangel telling Assumpta that he is going to leave the priesthood for her. Upon Dougal waking him up and offering him a peanut, he goes back to sleep and dreams of being chased by giant peanuts.
  • Ted buys Mrs Doyle a TEAMASTER for her Christmas present which Takes all the misery out of making tea unaware that Mrs Doyle enjoys the misery of making tea.
  • Jack is left in the kiddie playland while Ted and Dougal go shopping.
  • Ted is left depressed after he drags out of Mrs Doyle that she thinks he is only the second-best priest in the country.
  • The Priest Chatback phone line goes If you are under eighteen or not a priest, please hang-up now. If you wish to speak about the Pope’s visit to Mexico, say yes now. If you want to speak about being vaguely unhappy but not being able to figure out exactly why, say yes now.
  • Dougal has to do a funeral when Ted goes off depressed; it ends in disaster with a burning hearse.
  • Dougal is barred from inviting people to the parochial house as he once let a tramp ( the tramp told Dougal he was the Prime Minister of France ) stay for a week when Ted was away.
  • Mrs Doyle sabotages the TEAMASTER with a screwdriver.



On the DVD commentary track, Graham Linehan stated that he thought this episode went on far too long.


Guest Cast

Father Todd Unctious — Gerard McSorley
Father Peter Clifford — Stephen Tompkinson
Assumpta Fitzgerald — Dervla Kirwan
Father Larry Duff — Tony Guilfoyle
Bishop Tom McCaskell — Andrew McCulloch
Father Deegan — Kevin McKidd