Father Ted Quotes

 

[Talk between Ted and Dougal]:
Father Ted: That would be quite common you know. The favourite son would become a doctor and then the idiot brother would be sent off to the priesthood.
Father Dougal: Your brother is a doctor isn’t he?
Father Ted: Yes he is.

 

[Ted and Dougal deciding what to do next on their boring holiday]:
Father Dougal: Do you want to walk over to that fence?
Father Ted: Oh no, best not; I don’t want to blow up with excitement

 

 

 

Father Dougal Quotes

[Ted and Dougal having a religious discussion]:
Father Dougal: Come on, Ted. Sure it’s no more peculiar than all that stuff we learned in the seminary, you know, Heaven and Hell and everlasting life and all that type of thing. You’re not meant to take it seriously, Ted! 

 

Mrs Doyle Quotes

[Mrs. Doyle quoting Polly Clark’s books]:
Mrs. Doyle: “Eff you! Eff your effing wife! I’ll stick this effing pitchfork up your hole”, oh that was another one, oh yes![…] “Bastard this” and “Bastard that”, you can’t move for the bastards in her novels; it’s wall-to-wall bastards![…] You bastard, you fecker, you bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face! […] “Ride me sideways” was another one!

 

Father Jack Hackett Quotes

 

 

Tom Quotes

[Tom confessing to a murder]:
Tom: Father… I’ve killed a man 
Father Ted: Er, well, we’ll talk about that later, Tom. Right now, I’m going to be on the telly!